Sunday, 16 September 2007

Introspective, moi?

I don't usually turn to introspection on this blog because well, basically, it's not very fun is it? It gets awfully close to that writer's angst I try to avoid.

But today, just now in fact I had a moment of clarity in which I realised that being a published author is going to make me not more interesting as my teenage daughter imagines, but less.

(My teenage daughter observed recently, "I'm looking forward to your book being published. Then maybe your life will finally become interesting. And you'll have things to tell me. Instead of it being the other way round.")

I read an article about something, can't remember what, and was just starting to form a theory, synthesize a thought, who knows it might even have been interesting...when a very strict part of my brain cut in and said NO.

NO. You can't think about that. It might be interesting but NO. It's not relevant to the books you write. It's potentially too interesting to think about as a leisure activity. It's not comforting enough to justify as a daydream. So: simply NO.

That strict part of my brain has a propensity to let me think all I like about the stuff that it deems relevant to my job and hardly at all about anything else. There were times when I was a scientist that I literally turned up at parties unable to speak. I forgot how to make small talk. I didn't want to talk about anything but molecular biology, and no-one at the party wanted to hear about that so...I said nothing.

So I can imagine that what will happen in the next few years is that I will think more and more about my books. At the moment I can count on the fingers of a hand the number of people who have ever wanted to have any discussion with me about my books that goes beyond "You're writing a book, really, what's it about?" reply and then, end of discussion.

What if it were lots of people, though? What if that becomes all people ever want to talk to me about?

Then I'll be back where I was in the old days, when I was mad keen to talk about subcloning DNA or whatever part of my research I was up to...and good for little else. Except now the only thing I'll be capable of talking about is a bunch of stuff I made up once.

I'll be back to being a nerd.

Actually I'm being daft. I could right now make a list of 10 friends who will NEVER want to hear about my books. They should help to save me from becoming a total bore.


esruel said...

An unpublished writer is not as interesting as a published writer, Maria. I can't imagine any friend of yours would not want to hear about your books. An acquaintance might not care too much - but then, why worry about them?
If you get stuck for words, you can just salsa round everyone for a bit - then they really will think you're daft!

Lucas said...

I think you're being WAY too hard on your self. Isn't there that saying, "DON'T PUT YOURSELF DOWN" Because when you do, others fell the right to call you, "a total bore." You can't be a bore if you have at least one faitful reader following your blog everyday like me. And i don't even have that. In fact becoming a publisher introduces you into another world of socialism. Such as Book awards, your seen everywhere, and people are giving you attention for doing what you want too do and inspiring others too not hang out on the streets until the time everyones asleep, not getting drunk, or becoming socially inept. Your becoming a role-model, a respectful one too.
Being an Author is alot more than anyone could imagine, because you've EARNED that respect. By spending many hours writing a book, not only for your enjoyment, but for everyone you know and love, and for younger childrens enjoyment and pleasure. Take J.K. Rowling for instance, people would pay thousands too listen too her talking about her books. I mean, look at J.K. Rowling when her first book was published: glasses; poncho (not that theres anything wrong with ponchos); knitted jumpers; shoes straight off the market from Morrisons, but no-one cared. She's become a well know billionairess. And she still has plenty of people to talk to other than her work. Her publisher, her family, her closest friends.
So i leave you with that short mesaage :D

Lucas signing out!

MG said...

Wow, Luke! You're right. I'm being way too introspective. As you might see from the latest entry I'm going through the ending-a-manuscript crisis. It's only fair that I should suffer a little too; I'm putting my latest boy hero character through some tough stuff. And thank you for reading my blog. I checked yours out earlier. I'm jealous of all the cakes and sweets you eat. At your age you probably don't get affected, lucky you.

Lucas said...

No i get effected, i'm just down the gym ever other day. :-D
I agree with you with the Waterstones toffee though. I love it. But always, always, brush your teeth afterwards. :-)